It was Saturday morning when my husband got the phone call that his Grandpa had suddenly passed away. It came as a shock, and one that the family hadn’t quite been prepared for. A week ago he had experienced a severe fall and was in the ICU and we were kind of ready then but the doctors were very optimistic and discussing his plans to move to rehab before going home. In fact, my mother in law was at the airport when she found out, on her way down for a week to be with Grandma to help figure out care for her while Papa was in recovery. I knew when Shane came into the bedroom crying that something was terribly wrong and as he sputtered out the news I instantly went into logistics mode. We had a 7 month old baby and all of her stuff to get from Montana to Southern California.

As new parents, and the first of our siblings to have children, neither of us have ever traveled with a baby before but we both had heard and seen the horror stories. I’ve seen the little ones on airplanes screaming, fussy, and so upset. I’ve seen moms on vacation looking haggard and incredibly exhausted from a fussy baby whose routine and way of life was completely uprooted. So I instantly worried about how Z was going to handle this trip. We decided to drive since flights were expensive and we had a lot of stuff to bring with us. The drive was about 1,100 miles and Google Maps showed it taking us roughly 16 hours. My husband has made the drive a few times with his family and they usually took around 17-18 hours depending on traffic in Salt Lake, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles. So I decided that we were going to tackle this drive mostly at night for two reasons: Z usually sleeps around 12 hours, waking up once to eat in the middle of the night, and she is generally much happier and tolerant in the morning. So I figured we had a better chance of having a smoother trip this way.

At 7pm, we loaded Z and all of her stuff into the truck, we picked up sandwiches and Shane’s dad, gassed up the truck, and were on the road by 8pm. Perfect timing as this happens to be when Z is usually headed to bed. I sat in the back making sure she stayed awake while we completed these errands. She spent that hour fussy, wailing, and so upset. I was mortified! We hadn’t yet begun our trek and she was so upset. While we were at the gas station filling up and getting our snacks and drinks for the drive, I nursed Z one last time before bed like I always do. Then I secured her back up in the car seat and got her ready for bed.

Two friends had recently taken a drive with their babies several weeks ago who were about the same age as Z and suggested putting Z in a bubble with her white noise machine (See more on this below.). So once she was all safe and secure in her seat, I made a comfortable little bubble for Z to sleep in. And boy, she conked out! She only woke up when we stopped for gas which was about every 4-5 hours. She slept her usual 12 hours before waking up for the day. We got to Primm, NV which was about 870 miles before we stopped for breakfast. We let Z play all over the restaurant table getting lots of energy out and a chance to stretch out her body. We ordered her some eggs and she ate breakfast with us like she usually does. For the most part, we weren’t too far off her usual routine. I put her back into her bubble and she fell back asleep for a few hours .

We lucked out with traffic and ended up hitting Salt Lake, Las Vegas and the LA area traffic at all the right times. Combine that with Shane’s dad’s speedy foot and we were doing amazing timewise. We did that drive in about 17 hours, and that included stopping for a sit down breakfast for about an hour. We were about 45 minutes from our destination when Z lost it. She was wailing and so pissed which, honestly, I felt that was fair. And I was so surprised we had even made it that long. I could only imagine the frustration of being confined to a car seat and I’m sure still feeling tired. I know babies don’t get the best sleep in a car seat and even though she slept like 90% of the drive, she looked like she needed a good nap in her crib. I tried distracting her with toys but she was less than thrilled. She was never one for a pacifier but I tried those too. I even went out and bought three different brands just in case maybe she might be interested. She chucked all three kinds of pacifiers at me like I was stupid for trying. After 20 minutes of her furry, I finally broke down and got out her puffs. I knew she wanted to be done with her car seat, explore, and then pass out for a good nap and we were so close to being able to do just that. So one by one I slowly gave her a puff. She had never experienced this type of food so she was absolutely ecstatic and we were able to finish the drive.

The return trip home wasn’t as smooth time wise or for the drivers. We didn’t have my husband’s dad for my husband to share the burden of driving. So my husband did most of it. We took a lot longer to get back taking more like 19.5 hours as we didn’t luck out with traffic in Salt Lake and we definitely stopped more and for longer so Shane could get some naps in. Z handled it even better. She barely fussed and pretty much slept or quietly played with the few toys on her lap, all the while in her little bubble.

As for our time in Southern California, she was such a trooper for the entire week. Her routine was absolutely non existent and she spent more time than she was ever used to in her car seat (Hello, traffic!) and with a bunch of strangers (aunts, uncles, cousins). We ended up bringing two pack and plays. We brought the one she knows that she sleeps in at night while in our room (I haven’t moved her to her crib yet.) and one that we got that is better for travel (It weighs about half the weight so it’s a lot easier to lug around.). She hadn’t used the travel one yet and she hates the one at my in-laws so both of us were worried about just bringing the travel one. Luckily we had plenty of room in the truck bed. It ended up being a great decision because of where we were staying at night and where we were spending most of our days. We set one up at each location and that saved us from having to set up and take down the pack and play several times a day for the week.

I learned a few things on this trip:

1.) Driving through the night when your baby normally sleeps is amazing.

It’s definitely harder on the drivers, being up all day and then driving at night so make sure the drivers are rested and have a chance to trade off.
Definitely make sure baby gets plenty of calories before making the trip.
Look into overnight diapers while on the drive. Z isn’t a heavy wetter but it’s a lot easier not to have to change a diaper every time you stop. And, I also found out that not every bathroom at a gas station (women’s or men’s) even has a changing table or is even open at night! They also seem to do a better job at keeping them dryer which can make a baby happier about sitting in their car seat for long periods of time.

2.) Make a baby bubble!

Get a small dark colored blanket put over the car seat and have a white noise machine playing to help drown out noises of your music or talking. They can also cue baby into sleeping if you use them at home normally (which can help with sleeping in different places too). My husband used the Ryobi battery inverter and used the batteries from our Ryobi lawn mower and lawn tools to power the inverter. Another option is to see if there is a white noise machine that uses a usb port to charge and get a large power bank.

3.) If possible, try sitting in different places in the car and seeing what your baby prefers!

Z did better on the drive with me not in the backseat with her. When she was awake and saw me she was upset and wanted out, but if she didn’t see anyone, she did a lot better and was more content in the car.

4.) Be flexible and willing to break those “rules” you made!

We normally do baby led weaning, where she feeds herself, but sometimes there just wasn’t real food for her to eat. I hated the idea of buying puffs, squeezable puree pouches, and those rice cracker things because it doesn’t align with how we wanted her to consume food. But let's be honest, baby led weaning is very messy and not always the most convenient. And I ended up being glad I bought that stuff because there were several times that if I hadn’t broken my little rule I made that she would have sat at the table with nothing to eat. Z loves her food and likes to be included with meals. So even though it was puffs or a rice cracker, she was happy to join the rest of us in eating, just like she has always done since she started solids. As an added bonus, the puffs really helped her practice her pincer grasp.
Z is normally in cloth diapers, but when traveling, it’s just not the easiest to deal with. So she was in disposable diapers.

5.) Be patient with your baby and yourself.

It’s okay if your baby is more clingy to you or not the best napper, or wanting more nursing sessions or comfortings. Your baby is in a new place with a bunch of new faces and it can be overwhelming. Especially with Z being born literally right before COVID hit Montana, she has no experience with crowds or has even met a lot of her family. I have video footage of Z losing it when her Uncle Mike got down to her level and smiled at her. But his wife (Aunty Nanet) can sing and play with Z all day long. In the first 2 days, Z really only wanted me, but as she warmed up to everyone and realized she was the center of attention, it was okay if I wasn’t around or holding her all the time. She needed those she was familiar with and who she knew she was safe with. Once she warmed up to everyone (Except Uncle Mike, poor guy!) then she was much happier with all the people.

6.) It’s okay to break your routine.

I understand being worried about breaking that routine you worked so hard for, but when you’re traveling, schedules can be so different from home and trying to keep that routine can prove very difficult and cause a lot of stress for you (and baby). Babies are a lot more flexible and resilient than we give them credit for. I found that as long as Z is rested and fed, she is one happy and tolerant bugger. She usually has 2 naps at home but on this trip she got 3, sometimes 4 (1-2 a day in the car, unfortunately), totaling who knows how long! I just followed her cues and when she showed signs of needing a nap, she got one. It was more important to me that she was well rested and well fed because that is the recipe for a happy Z.
We usually bathe her before bed and I think in total she got maybe 3 baths while we were there with only one of them actually before bedtime.
There were a couple of nights we put Z to bed at 8pm, spent a few more hours with the family, and then woke her up and drove back to where we were staying and put her back down for the night.

7.) Remember why you are traveling.

In our case, we were traveling to be with family and celebrate a man’s wonderful life. That to me was more important than fussing about routines (even my own). I wanted Z to spend time with her family and I wanted memories of our time there. Additionally, my husband just lost his grandpa and needed to spend time with his family. Who knows the next time we would get to come down so it was important to soak up all the family time. Plus, Z brightened up Grandma’s (really everyone’s) day and that was worth more to me than making sure I cooked food for her, got her naps and bedtime on schedule, or even got workouts in for myself.

8.) You don’t always need as much stuff as you think you do.

We lucked out with being able to drive my husband’s truck as it has a whole bed that we could use to put stuff. So I ended up packing more than we needed. We even had access to a washing machine so I should have left about half (maybe more) of what I packed at home. I packed as if she was in her first few months of life where she easily went through 4-5 outfits and up to 8 bibs a day (She spit up, a lot, then.). If you don’t have access to a washing machine, you can always pack a small Tupperware of laundry soap and hand wash clothes and let them air dry in the bathroom. And at the end of the day, it’s okay to use an outfit more than once before washing it.
Take note of what you actually rely on daily and pack that, i.e. the essentials. If room is a concern then don’t worry about all the extras. Had Z been 2 months old, her little bouncer chair was a must have. She spit up a lot and if we didn’t keep her upright for at least 30min after every feeding, we were in for an even worse volcanic eruption of soured milk spit up. At 7 months, she was happy with a nice sized blanket and some toys on the floor, all of which fit nicely in a small red bag. She ended up spending most of the time crawling and trying to use the couch to practice standing. All of which she learned how to do in the first 2 days of being at Grandma’s.
If you don’t have room for many toys, baby’s suitcase makes an excellent occupier! I’d sit her in front of it and she enjoyed pulling out all of her clothes. She also liked climbing in it so it’s definitely a “toy” to use under supervision! If you’re traveling to another house, whisks, spatulas, plastic Tupperware, anything like that are great! I’ve even used plastic water or drink bottles once we were done with them. If you’re in a hotel, the plastic cups they put in the room are great toys too. Z even found excitement with my keys and wallet. Baby’s love the simplest things.

It doesn’t make you bad parents if you have to make some adjustments to make your life traveling with your little one more convenient or a little easier. What’s most important is taking cues from your baby about what they need, doing your best to go with the flow, and being patient with yourself as you figure it out together.

Written by Mandie Strahs

Blog

Tales from a New Mom: Traveling With an Infant by Car

Tree of Life Doula Care